Sine Qua Non

Speaking of March

Time Marches On. Heh.
I missed posting some great shots from the family visit that happened around my birthday mid-March. We unwittingly missed the Japanese Garden (the tram wasn't running, and we didn't have the time for the mile hike) so we Max'd it back downtown and took a leisurely afternoon through the Chinese Garden.We must have been determined to explore at least one Asian Country in the middle of Portland. That's one of the most amazing things about this city- it's a 15 minute train ride from park to park, garden to garden.

Here are the favorite shots for the day:

 


This last one is of the beautiful tea house where we sat and enjoyed tea off the extensive list they have; it was almost too much tea to choose from but boy did we need it- it was still chilly out here. We even had snow two weeks after this walk. I can't believe how much blooms here with the Lion of March still blowing through the PNW cities.

Have a great Wednesday! See you soon.

XOXO

SInce I forgot March...

Braving the Hypersensitivity. Yes, that's the perfect title.

Your Girl is back, and in fine form my pumpkins.

The "All knowing", Wikipedia describes an allergy as: one of four forms of hypersensitivity and is called type I (or immediate) hypersensitivity.

Currently I am trying to overcome one allergy (that allergy to my blog and some social networks), whilst suffering deeply from another- an IMMENSE amount of pollen that has wormed its way under my skin, attached to every tiny little follicle and lodged deeply in my bronchial systems. It's pretty brutal.

Not to gloss over my recent allergy to my blog. This little endeavor that was inspired by my last "boss man" (or last last) as a log of my growth, paths I am choosing and as a way to boost the juices. However, as most of you know I had my relative "privacy" invaded recently- and I have felt violated in a way that has made me recoil and shy away from the very thing that is creative and beautiful in my little world- my writing (and showcasing the other creative- my knitting).

So rather go on a rant about "privacy", or even better- perceived privacy- and the need for such, and the idea that in a public internet you can choose to not publish your blog- but it's still "out there" (I mean, I don't want to become Dooce here- although she is an amazing woman, I couldn't ever be tied to this interaction for permanent)... well, blogs are out there for anyone who chooses to hack and dip and spend a silly amount of time and energy finding them. So here I am, saying yes- go ahead, you go knock yourself out looking for any reason to be a negative Nelly about me and my life. I say Fuck it, you go on with your bad self- because ultimately, it makes you the loser and I let you win if I stop what I love. And, if your only reason to visit me is to try to find something to use against me- well then- Fuck you. What a serious waste of precious life moments that should be spent doing something you love, or something for someone you love or even someone you don't know who needs your help. I mean- really, right? What a strange preoccupation with concern about one little girl and her adventures. It's truly a shame for those who cannot ever see the trees for the forest. My dearest reader, this means you might get a little less personal with me- but again, who really knows whats going to happen tomorrow? I might win the lottery. Then this here little world might turn into a trip around the universe with me, a little black cat and a cello.

So with that said, let me share with you what I, your brave Heroine, am enjoying- whilst laughing in the face of my allergies. You see, here in PDX, Spring is in in full tilt- and I ventured out with the fabulous Bee to witness all of nature rejoicing in the warmth and beginning of the new. The delicate little bud struggling to open,yearning to show petals to the sun. Every little bird (or large bird) calling incessantly for the girlie birds to come make nest and dancing from limb to limb. Even the little fat bumble defying physics and zipping around in lazy loops from flower to flower. Yes. It was worth it (even as swollen and drippy I am now).

Here are the highlights:

And My favorite:

Oh Happy Happy Joy joy- blooming and buzzing.
May you be enjoying your Sprung days!

XOXO

A New Perspective

I am truly blessed in my life. I have managed to surround myself by people who have bright outlooks and like to take positive spins on situations. These strong and wonderful people add so much to my life, I am not sure where I would be right now without them. I have a tendency to let myself fall victim, take the hard roads and concentrate on the bleak side of life. I have been working REALLY hard to pull myself out of this way of thought. I think this is what made me a creative success in my youth, but I don't see how it translates to my emotional and spiritual health as an adult.

I was really impressed by Miss M's perspective and outlook the other day, and I thought I would share what brought on this new persepective I have been trying to turn into intention.

http://rejoicerantramble.blogspot.com/2009/03/what-if.html

My same friend also composed a touching prayer for me. I think she, and you in my readership, knows that I am not Catholic, church going- but I do think of myself as Spiritual in the Nature-ist sense, and I welcome and make prayers for and from friends, as I believe the words we put out into the universe can affect our lives immensley. I am going to start writing again as much as I can daily- so the words can help to manifest the path I am destined to walk down.

My Sweet M Prayer:

Hey God, I lift up my friend Jillian and ask her eyes to be opened in such a way that she can see herself like you see her.  Remove any lies about her abilities that former coworkers may have dished out in the past.  Bring about the right relationships at the right time to lead Jillian to the place where she is most needed....a job where she is not only capable but perfectly suited for....a job that will provide not only a paycheck but also spiritual, mental, and emotional benefits.  God, you are bigger than the recession.  You are bigger than the current unemployment rate. Let nothing stand in your way for Jill's life.  I ask these things in the name of Jesus (or Bee, you can say baby Jesus)
- Amen.

All my love to you my readers- all 10 of you, that is. ;)

XOXO

Spring Has Sprung...

I took some time off, to contemplate the new life that has presented itself to me. Here is the news:

I was laid-off on March 6th to the tune of developing a sparkly new act for the floor show, which I understand needs to happen in these economic times. The layoff wasn't a surprise, I have suspected for about two months and was just waiting my turn. I have been preparing for other opportunities since about January, as I had the insight that the Circus has found itself in need of restructuring. I wish my dear co-workers all the best- but I am thrilled to have a kick in the pants to take my own life to the next level. Around November of last year I realized I was tiring of the unhealthy aspect of being surrounded by very little creativity. For now, I am conscientiously training the new juggling act until March 26th; although I am not sure at their juggling talents, I am confident that they can walk a tight rope and survive. You might ask what is next for me?

I actually, for once in my life, do not know. This is the first time I have left a job with no other job lined up, no inkling of my path and no clear focus. I am waiting to be away from the Circus to see what the calm of not working in high stress daily will do for my brain.  I have some part time gigs lining up- some project work as well. K is back from his travels, also with Spring in his wake- and changes abound for both of us. We are unsure where this will land us, if together, but there are options and ideas to breathe in. I am happy to be a part of a team that is smart, supportive and aware of the present as well as the future.

If you know me, you know my work ethic, my background and my ability to adapt and rise to challenges. So if you hear of anything you might think I would be interested in, please drop me a line.

In the meantime, I'm going to knit, box, play house and spend time with my lovered ones. After all, that is TRULY what life is about. For me, at least.

XOXO

Taking a Vacation

Just wanted to let you know I'm going to take a bit of a vacation this week from the blog, I have a lot to mull over, and feel very introspective and work-oriented. I know you'll miss me terribly. In the meantime, in case you are so lost without me, I thought I'd recommend a few of my favorite things to read:

Art and Ghosts
The Panopticon
Dooce
Out of Character
Smitten Kitchen

Orangette

Those are some good peeps, and if you've never visited them before, my week off will give you some time to catch up with them.

And yes, I'm writing this to my readership of what, 10?
I love you all.

XOXO, have a great week.

Sorry for the weird formatting, I think Typepad is having a case of the Mondays.

Prepared for The Layoffs

I'm spending my day at work today getting prepared. Prepared for what is the inevitable: my layoff.

I am closing out and packing up all 2008 documents, setting up the rest of 2009 (that's how far behind we got over here) and taking home anything that is mine and that I'd like to have for posterity. Like my pictures off my desk, K's CIA mug, a few items I've used from home here to make my job easier, CD's that have lived here forever, shredding my 2008 paystubs...you know. All that stuff that we never get to do ahead of time when the axe drops.

This weekend I'm going to gloss up my resume and have Aqua and Jo review it. I'm going to make sure that my references are "in like Flynn" and current. I'm going to start looking on Craigslist, and start sending out my resume, along with the 3000 other people looking for the job I am applying for.

The writing is on the wall.  I don't think I'm long for the world in which I currently work.
I would love my dream job- but we can't be choosy when we're all begging for table scraps right now.

If you read this, and have any ideas, leads, or what-not- give me a shout out.

I'm thinking I better also look to move into cheaper rent. Shit, I forgot about that.

Okay peeps, have a great weekend!! Wish me luck.

XOXO

No Gnu Knitting, and Some Good Damn Books

I was so fraking exhausted last night I didn't knit a single stitch. That makes it all this past weekend + a few nights this week not knitting. It's not that I'm in despair about it, but there are some things that I need to "get off the ground". I've stalled. I ripped out sock #1 of K's William Street socks after knitting sock #2, because it was sub-par. So I have 1/2 of sock #2, and now 5 left socks, no right ones. Or maybe 5 right socks, and no left ones...

I did order some new yarn and more needles to CO more socks. Disease!! I have to CO the contest socks this weekend or there is NO chance of finishing them in March. They will be my first 2 at once.  I think I'll love it.

I paid my library fines. I love the library. Free books? And I don't need more shelf space? I would like to have a library of mine own one day- on that ranch with the Alpaca and dogs running around. Sigh. So woe is me, in my search for the A.S. Byatt book I haven't read, I accidentally checked out one I HAVE read. I might skim it for a bit until my other books arrive. I'm moving into fariy tales and graphic novels, so I can tell spring is around the corner. Every winters-end is like this...I feel Spring coming and I begin to pine for dead of Winter whilst wanting Spring. I get caught in the be-tween.

I also rented "The Cloud Atlas" by Liam Callahan, I'm not sure if I was really after this one- but I will read a few more chapters and see if I settle in on the one by Callahan. I also have on order "The Tale of Desperaux" (I don't have much interest in the movie, but I've been wanting to read the book for about a year), and some lovely assorted "fables" (? maybe fables?) by Paul Gallico. I have some Gaiman books on "order", but everyone wants to read him now, so I will lie in wait.

That's all I have today. Work is rather scary, and I'd rather be reading and knitting.
But I should get back to work, cause, well, you know- it's a job and all.

Maybe I need to move to Italy.

XOXO

The Bee's Birthday

It's The Bee's Birthday, and I'm very grateful to have my dreamy fish friend back in my life. That goes for all my Sheep girls. I'm one lucky DOB (isn't that the female SOB?) to have such luck in re-connecting with those who hold pieces of my soul in theirs. I am feeling more at ease these days, and I attribute that feeling to being one again with the girls. The Bee is my starry-eyed friend, the one who I can go building Fairy Houses with, and she is the sprightly, graceful, exuberant friend who I remember fondly dancing with abandon and jumping into everything with bravery. I miss our tree climbing, croquet playing, music filled days lounging in the yard with the Sea and Cake lulling us into strawberry and champagne filled stupors.  I'm thrilled we are not too old, nor too arrogant, to do such things again in this life.

One of my favorite moments with The Bee was on the fateful, crazy camping trip- it had to be some kind of Labor Day or Memorial day weekend thing. I recall 8 of us in two cars (Melba and Ellie drove, thank you ladies) packed with everything you need for a memorable "trip". I can remember what I was wearing- Crazy J's white top that I wish I still had, green shorts, burly hiking boots with hair in braids (the exact outfit I wore on my Grad School trip to Eastern Oregon). In my mind I can see the Bee in some sort of flowered eyelet tank top. Melba was wearing some sort of purple tank, I think. I can't remember what Ellie or the rest of the girls were wearing, but we were ready for our river side adventure. We wanted to be far away from the other weekend warriors. We drove a long ways, almost an hour along the river itself, thinking we HAD to find the "right spot". I think it was Suz who saw something she thought looked like a lagoon and a place to camp- but it was so far down on a steep incline, we had no IDEA what we were going to find- but we all agreed, we had to set up camp soon.  I had a broken arm and our path down was hairy. Hairy in that "we hike a lot and we are in great shape, but what we're doing right now is scary shit" kind of way. At one point we were hiking in switchbacks just to keep upright on the steep decline. I almost bit it- had I, it would have been a very severe fall, about 30 feet or so-  but the Bee caught me and steadied me back on our little ledge. Hiking this with a broken arm was probably stupid, yes yes, I know. Then I'm not sure if I spotted it, or Crazy J, but it was a dried up waterfall leading down to the river- and we knew we could do this on our asses with much more leverage- like steps down. However, getting over TO the waterfall area was about 15-20 feet over on gravel- with nothing to hold on to. Suz went first- and boy did she go, right down sliding all the way into a forest and brambles, and we couldn't see her. I'm not sure I had ever been so scared in my life until that point- thinking she was dead. It was the Bee that stayed us all with calm and ascertained that Suz was okay and encouraged us all to carefully traverse over and scoot down. There was a branch that we held onto- me with one hand- and we made it. All of us. I have no idea how Suz wasn't broken, or even really scratched. It was like all the magic of the universe was with us that day. Thank you Bee, for giving us your strength and bravery that day.

That trip was one of the most amazing moments of serendipity I've been witness to. We worked hard to get there. Yes, as soon as we started to set up camp, we did think "Holy Shit how are we getting out of here?" but we had to quickly get that out of our heads and get on with our festivities. There was tea to be made darn it! We swam across the river, all of us lounging on a low waterfall like a bunch of otters- beautiful, young, shining and happy. However, there was that Lagoon to find. Did it really exist? Yes, and I'm not sure about the others, but when we did find it, I thought we were having a collective dream. I have a drawing somewhere of the path leading to that magical place. I can't even explain, words don't do it justice- the curving rocks coming up out of the river creating a wall around this oval aqua colored sparkling pool- the pool was lined with the smoothest rocks- we climbed like goats as high as we could and jumped in over and over again, and when we got tired of that we gently swam and lounged. All around the pool were trees and greenery and lush colors. We couldn't believe our luck. Right across from the Lagoon was a 40 foot-ish waterfall- seemingly springing out of the mountain side and straight into the river. That's the type of day that makes you one with the Universe.

Happy Birthday Bee! All my love!

XOXO

*in case you are wondering, we decided that we had to another way out of our camping area- and the best thing to do would be to find another active waterfall to hike back up. We did find one- with ferns, green everywhere and centipedes- and we made it out in less than an hour- it had taken us almost two to get down- but hiking up that waterfall was just like hiking stairs. When we reached the top, we were so close to the cars we just looked at each other like "um, yeah, guess we could have gone down THAT way".

 

 

Hello Tuesday, Where Did Monday Go?

Oops. Yesterday was Monday. I didn't stop by to say Hello!

I had some news for everyone too- about Commit to Be Fit- 6 week results are IN, and they are incredible:

• 10% Body Fat Loss (myself and one other woman have achieved this, we are the first in the history of the program to get this high of a number)

• Cumulative of 7.5 inches lost: 2 hips, 1 Belly,1.5 waist, .5 each thigh and each arm

•  7 net pounds lost

That is in SIX WEEKS. Yesterday was the start of the next six weeks, and would you believe that after a little splurge on Pizza and red wine this weekend, I am HIGHLY motivated to finish out this next six weeks with a bang. If my legs ever get back to normal. Oh, what is that? What's up with my legs you ask? Silly me, I decided to run the Shamrock 5K with some other Fierce members and JAE, and so Sunday afternoon I ran 3 miles. In 38 minutes. So really, I jogged and walked. However, my legs are in crazy pain. I powered through class last night regardless...

So yes. I have gone a little bonkers you might say.

This past weekend was awesome, almost TOO full, but awesome.
Saturday the massage was amazing. It's not what you might be thinking, it's PT massage, meaning that she released some really deep, really old trigger points. It's not a full body massage, or even a half body massage, it's a structured massage, geared towards healing problem areas and seeing what other areas they affect- or unaffect- as they are released. Sunday, Monday and today are the first days I have woken up without a searing pain in my left back side by the surgery area. Wonderful. Absolutely wonderful. If anyone is interested in her, let me know, I can't recommend her enough. We have 4 sessions, I might do 6, to just get my body even more back on track. I need to remember to do my homework. The therapy combined with working out and emotional release is one of the best things I've ever done for myself.

Saturday night I got to see Melly's movie, hang out in PJ's with Jazz and eat pizza. Regardless of how campy a slasher film, my overactive imagination kept me up too late. Serial Killer? On my Balcony? Yep, there was one. IN MY HEAD. Sheesh I'm a wus.

Coraline...oh how I love thee Neil Gaiman and puppeteers...what a beautiful, delicious, drippingly lovely film...if you haven't seen it, get on the ball. It won't be in 3D for long, and you MUST see it in 3D. It would be a shame to miss out on that. I got to see it with my fairy-est of friends, the Bee, and I'm so excited that she's close now and we can go on magical hunts and see beautiful things together again. I'm pretty lucky right now to be in Portland!

I am crazed about Lost and BSG right now, I have a hard time watching the episodes, and then I want more, and more, and more. Like Tree said to me in an email- I can't wait to see how they wrap up BSG,  but then I'm going to be really very, very sad, because it will be over.

I didn't knit this weekend at all. I can't believe I didn't pick up the sticks once. I'm a little forlorn about it, so that's all I'm going to say.

Hope you all had a grand weekend. I'm off back to attend to the demands of paper and crazy tunes head honcho. Boy howdy am I glad I have a job, so I'm going to be happy to go do it!

XOXO

Oh, and a side note: it's the start of the Pisces Month!! Watch out, we might splash you with our dreamy ways and crazy ideas...and believe me, you WILL get sucked in. Mmmm. Birthdays.